A Diplomatic Incident: The Ambassadorgate Affair

Louis Egbe Mbua

A diplomatic incident in Washington DC has taken an unexpectedly dramatic turn. Civil war erupted in the CPDM Party civil community in America as the Ambassadorgate affair degenerated into a political fist fight. There have been claims and counter claims, claims and reclaims, denunciations and counter denunciations, renouncement and counter-renouncement; proclamations and counter-proclamations, incantations and counter-incantations; coups and counter-coups, thunder and lightning that concluded with an alleged live punch and counter punch. It has all the trappings of a classic Hollywood movie drama cast complete with characters in a tragic-comedy of Shakespearean proportions.

As each opposing camp after another attempts, albeit pitifully, to extricate themselves from the unexpected and sudden quagmire, Cameroonians and indeed the entire civil community, the world over, watch the unfolding spectacle from the sidelines with undisguised glee and amusement as the antics of what looks like comedians-turned-politicians or the converse are fed to the public needle-drip by needle- drip; and drop after drop.

The entire Junta, in Cameroon, and its dependencies in the Diaspora have been thrown into complete disarray equal to an irreversible political melt-down.

It is unclear how it all began but it seems there are reliable reports, by from the local news agency NBCWashington.com, of a fracas that seemingly came to blows between the Cameroon ambassador in Washington and a group of demonstrators allegedly protesting against embezzlement within or for their payments by the Cameroon Embassy in Washington.
In the ensuing confusion, others within the Cameroon community in America allege that the leader of the protest, Mr. Mpeck, received a powerfully blinding punch from the ambassador while an innocent female on-looker, not involved in the troubles, was allegedly pushed and then rugby-tackled onto the ground by the ambassador or his minders as the story goes: depending on who you believe. To add more confusion to the story, a Cameroonian living in America claimed in the Cameroonian discussion e-group, camnetwork, that he booked an appointment with the Ambassador so as to get a gist of his own side of the story. Accordingly, the source claimed, the Ambassador claimed that he was not involved in a fight; and that he was attacked by the protesters as he left his car to enter the Cameroon Embassy grounds.

Another source claims that the Ambassador left his office to discuss with the protesters as to assuage their grievances but was greeted immediately with a barrage of well aimed stunning blows. Whoever is right or wrong in this instance is beyond one’s contemplation but the whole incident looks like a diplomatic upper-cut against the Cameroon regime and the CPDM party in the USA. How a high-ranking diplomat could have allowed himself to be dragged into a petty street fight is beyond comprehension.

Others proclaim that the Cameroon Ambassador, H.E. Foe Atangana, is a good man with impeccable diplomatic credentials and track record. They cited the Bakassi crisis saying that he was instrumental in this “success”; but then added with a bitter touch of irony and fierce humour that perhaps he honed his “fighting” skills while negotiating the “peaceful” settlement of the Bakassi confrontation between Nigeria and the Republic of Cameroon.

Whatever view is true or false in this unfortunate incident, the fact of the matter is that the Cameroon Consulates the world over have been hijacked by the ruling CPDM party who appear to believe in a strange kind of out-dated philosophy rather reminiscent of the old totalitarian Soviet Communist’s dictatorship of the proletariat: that the CPDM party is supreme, and that the Cameroon nation is second -- a normal diplomatic procedure according to this questionable ideology. The Cameroonian people, on the other hand, see it differently: that the embassy is to serve, with equity and fairness, all Cameroonians including those with dual nationality; and that the Foreign Service should not be politicised – a right judgment. So, when the ensuing imbroglio took a scandalous turn, it rapidly transformed into an acrimoniously reverting partisan quarrel; and later, a means by which the purported CPDM leaders could defend the Ambassador or the “fatherland” from this imminent disgrace from “outsiders”; as well as to save their own skin from the wrath of the concerned and angry Cameroon people.

First, there was Mrs Patience Tamfu, President of the women’s wing of the ruling CPDM ruling party in the USA, who threw the first political punch in a series of classic tactical political blunders. She came out fighting; claiming that the CPDM party is “behind” the Ambassador; thus, reinforcing the long held belief that the embassy is an appendage of the ruling CPDM junta in Cameroon; and as though to say that if a person is a member of the CPDM, he or she has the right to engage in a boxing match in the streets – a flawed mentality. To make matters worse, she went on air and evolved a faceless video with a blushingly ungrammatically ineloquent semi-marathon rant, the incantation of which could easily be identified as that of an all assuming old-guard soviet party apparatchik; and then displaying the kind of tyranny that exists in Cameroon: “warning” her imagined “liar, traitor, thief” not to be “messing around with the wrong person”; and that she is not into the “foolish nonsense”.

Then, enters Lady Kate Atabong Njeuma, also a “Big Hitter” of the CPDM-USA, who gave a rather eloquent and well-crafted “political” statement in camnetwork insinuating that the Ambassador has put in place a “strong team of lawyers”, almost certainly referring to the fighting incident. Again, her conclusions are that the Ambassador must be defended since he is of the CPDM party. In doing so, she unwittingly admits that the Ambassador was involved in the alleged altercation as reported by the local news agency NBCWashington.com. While the writer believes this to be a wise move, it again enters the mind that; had the Ambassador been an independent Cameroonian or an opposition member or a SCNC-SCAPO activist, he would have been left to hang out to dry as the CPDM has been doing to the Cameroon people for almost three decades.

And there is Dr. Emmanuel Konde, a CPDM “strategist”, who appears to be confused and almost certainly overtaken by the events, and who went on air in camnetwork blaming Cameroonians of the North West region, denouncing them as “unpatriotic” to the “fatherland”. Nobody quite understands why he did this; as no one could find a relation between the people of this part of Cameroon and the fighting incident. How he reached this unenviable misguided conclusion is any one’s guess but he appeared to claim to be a “social philosopher” in which case he had “seen” (probably by some kind of magical incantation which we do not understand) that the North west region people want to “dominate” Cameroon, and that this, clearly, is the reason they are blaming the Ambassador for involving himself in the daylight unranked boxing match in the open. Seeing that the tide is turning against the party, he quickly had the good sense to back-track, contradicted or disowned or renounced his former stance, repositioned himself, and then gave another oration blaming the CPDM party for the imbroglio. Meanwhile, he never mentioned the Ambassadorial boxing-cum-wrestling match as though he knows not why he writes.

Enter Mr. Jackson Nanje, The Publicity and Education Secretary of the CPDM USA. Interestingly, at first glance, he denounced all who condemned the incident with all kinds of words; apparently, denying that nothing happened at the Cameroon Embassy grounds in Washington, and asking readers, with unbridled confidence that: “Where you there?” When he later got the itch that he was fighting a losing uphill battle, he also went the same way as his partisan colleagues. He back-pedalled, contradicted his former pronouncements, apparently renounced his former position, and then made a dramatic U-turn to score a spectacular own-goal: penning a long-winding irrelevant and unsubstantiated expose about corruption in the CPDM , and blaming the Chairman of CPDM USA, Mr. Joe Mbu, for this confusion and corruption; and that there is tribalism within the leaders of the CPDM. Which brings us to the ultimate question: Did Mr. Joe Mbu ask the Ambassador or the protesters to exchange blows? Reading from the unfolding drama, the answer is a resounding No:

Round and around,
The doubters deep
Into the round
And swirling pond

So, let justice takes its natural course in this unfortunate and shameful affair because it is unfair to judge a man without due process.

It should be recalled that, over the years, the two gentlemen mentioned [Dr. Konde Emmanuel and Mr. Jackson Nanje] have been the chief protagonists of the oppressive regime in Cameroon; a junta that has tormented and tortured Cameroonians in this day and age. In their sayings, they have always defended the atrocities of the regime against Cameroonians – more specifically the killings of young people in the country during the February 2008 general strike; and the extra-judicial shootings of unarmed students at the Buea University demonstrations in 2005 and 2006.

More importantly, they have always called for the elimination of the SCNC, SCAPO and others who oppose the subjugation of Southern Cameroonians and the open discrimination; human rights violation and theft of their lands and resources by the Republic of Cameroon. One is pleased that they have at least acknowledged the deficiencies of the present system of government in Cameroon; and that they should join hands in making a success of the forth coming negotiations between the Republic of Cameroon and the Southern Cameroons for constitutional changes and freedom in Cameroon; and the freedom of Southern Cameroonians from the vice-grip of corrupt leadership and tyranny. Progress can only be attained when those in the dark begin to see the light at the end of the bottomless dungeon. Within light we are all free; and in darkness we are all lost.

The Biblical Floods and Modern Thoughts (2)

The Rainbow (Wikipedia)

Louis Egbe Mbua

The writer believes every person is free to choose what they believe; and that the curious human mind must not be stopped from asking difficult questions. That is man’s nature.

In this second article, the writer wishes to make a tentative argument -- to assuage the concerns of a few people who dispute and dismiss this event as an untruth -- as concerns the Biblical floods: whether one can actually explain some of the biblical narratives in light of present day thinking and knowledge. This writer is again of the opinion that every occurrence has a logical explanation on earth and the universe. On the other hand, one has a duty to admit their limitations: in that not all things can be explained by man; and that the argument that if man may not have answers to certain phenomena automatically disqualifies that occurrence as non-existent. For instance, we can explain why the sky is blue but can we actually explain why it was not red or green in the first place?

On this note one is inclined to ask the question:

Is there any scientific explanation to substantiate where the flood water went and how?

According to Genesis 7:8: “And the waters prevailed upon the earth a hundred and fifty days”; and furthermore, Genesis 8: 1-3 states: “And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that were with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the water assuaged. The Fountains of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained. And the waters returned from the earth continually: and after the end of 150 days the waters were abated”.

If we apply the theories of thermodynamics and heat transfer by evaporation in multi-fluid flow of air and water assuming that sunlight appeared at one point after the flood and rains, one may understand that a strong air current is the main agent of evaporation of fluids on this occasion. Furthermore, evaporation is time dependent in relation to the speed of air that passes over a large body of water; and the volume of air in relation to the volume of water. Given the enormously large volume of water involved in the flood, as aforementioned, the volume and speed of the wind must have been cataclysmic: no different from a Tsunami. The wind, therefore, could have had the double effect of evaporating agent; and an agent of force to drive the waters to a fixed position where the evaporation will continue but the flood will end. Now, the time constraint for this act to be completed has not been calculated. However, it appears 150 days is a reasonable -- as stated in the Bible -- time span to dissipate these waters from the earth if a Tsunami can be imagined. It should be remembered that not all the water was evaporated on to the air; and that some of it remained on earth as Seas and Rivers.

What about sea monsters such as the whale and other fishes? Did Noah take them into the ark by twos in sevens?

This is a difficult one as there is no evidence in the Bible that indicates that there was water in the Ark; and that the Bible is silent on marine creatures on this occasion. On the contrary, the ark was designed specifically to be water tight. However, water tight was meant to prevent them but from the outside flood; and not that they should perish of thirst. Consequently, it might as well be possible that Noah had an aquarium within the ark to preserve marine life as well as having drinking water. Given that the ark was approximately 160m long, 27 m wide and 17 m high, which quite neatly fits to today’s description of a container ship or tanker capable of holding at least 600 standard containers, this is quite possible. But can a Whale fit into a container aquarium? A baby killer Whale is 10 feet( about 3 metres) long when it is born. If we agree on this, then given the dimensions of the ark, there is a possibility that whales and other marine creatures could have been in an aquarium in the Ark.

Another possible theory may lie in the fact that there was no need to bring in marine life into the ark as the devastation involved but water. The problem with this theory is that, it is clearly stated in the bible that every living thing died in the flood apart from those in the ark.

What about the salinity of the Seas? Did the flood dilute the seas; and therefore rendered future marine life impossible?

There is no evidence in bible that the original sea was a salty environment? Genesis states that in the beginning of creation, there was just water which was separated from the land. However, during the flood and given its huge scale, it is possible that the salts of the earth were dissolved in the waters. Now, after the evaporation by the wind, large amounts of water evaporated while the salt remains. The more water that were removed, the more concentrated with salts the water that was left became. Thus, the sea is but this concentrated water. What we have as fresh water is either from springs or from rain which again released the evaporated water with no salt thus began the water cycle. As to adaptation, all animals and humans that stayed alive after the flood had to adapt to the new extreme conditions of climate change that followed the deluge. So too are the marine creatures to marine life.

What about the Rainbow? Can it be explained scientifically in relation to the flood?

Genesis 9: 12-14 states: “And God said, “This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you, for perpetual generations. I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud”.”It is possible that after the flood and the intense evaporation, the sky was overcast with the clouds some of them condensing. Furthermore, the air must have been heavy with moisture and water droplets due to the rain. Scientifically, a rainbow is seen when sunlight refracts through raindrops followed by a reflection as it emerges from the raindrop. Thus, what is seen is that light after this process: seven colours of light. This is the process Isaac Newton performed when he refracted light through a prism to reveal the seven visible colours of light. Is there anything new? So, we can say for certain that the rainbow that was seen by Noah actually occurred after the flood; and by implication the flood actually occurred.

Fast forward Revelation 4: 2 -3: “And immediately I was in the spirit: and behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne. And he that sat was to look upon like jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.”

We know that there is Light in Heaven because we have been told so in the bible. But is there water as well? The writer cannot answer this question as he has never been to the spiritual Heaven. All we know is that we can explain the formation of the rainbow on earth. It would be futile to attempt explaining the phenomenon in Heaven where one has never been using the same knowledge on earth. On the other hand, that one cannot explain it does not render the book of Revelation irrelevant. Every occurrence and observation has a logical explanation at the proper dimension of space and time; or their appropriate .level ot existence -- spiritual or material.

Now, is there water in the visible heavens that hold the stars and heavenly bodies? It appears this is the case as recent discoveries are proving. Which brings us to the question: was the heavens in the beginning of creation meant to refer to both unseen spiritual heaven and the heavenly bodies?

This article is based on narratives in Genesis Chapter 6 – 9 and Revelations 4: 2 – 3 of the Bible and scientific knowledge in the modern world.

Living in the 21st Century (3) :The Gentleman at The King’s Road, London

Louis Egbe Mbua

The boutique he entered in drama and majesty,

In good mirth greeted the lady with courtesy.

Medium in height did he stand with chest so broad

And a pair of eyes did he have; dazzling in light.

His pupils appeared round as the sun in full flight

When down to the horizon of the sea afloat.

His teeth so white as to even blind the lady

Who with awe on him looked she as though a baby!


In Royal style did he wear his hat in light blue?

True as was given him by his uncle with the clue

To train him on the importance of tenderness;

And who taught his nephew to be a sure witness

About his marvellous inheritance in the family,

And keep the word and continue the party.

Wore him a pressed blue shirt with white stripes

That was tailored for him by his mother spritely,

To render her honest heart proud and jolly

In all the multiplicity of colour style & types

Of courture she had woven for the gentleman,

So fit in London society as the ladies’ marksman.


The blue pair of trousers did he buy in a chic shop

Because had he taken solace in a bus stop

To have a respite from a day’s work at Oxford,

As his varsity training had he got from Bedford.

A black pair of shoes he cited to match his blue socks,

And the heels were not high so as steadied his soles.

So gentle and elegant were his steps, so stable,

Like majestic Black Beauty striding in his stable!

The Biblical Floods and Modern Thoughts (1)

The rugged Mount Everest

Louis Egbe Mbua

Quite recently, there have been claims and counterclaims as to whether the flood occurred or not; at what time frame this event happened in relation to the age of the earth; archaeological evidence relating to the flood; and doubts as to why God would decide to destroy his own creation if he is Good. There have been reports that the Ark of Noah has been found in the Mt. Ararat area by means of satellite technology and sheer brute application of old fashioned archeological excavation; and that the dimensions of this discovery in artefacts match the very descriptions reported in biblical accounts. Others have theorised that there is evidence that a large flood occurred on earth at one point in its existence; but that this deluge never engulfed the entire earth as spoken in the Bible; and that this must have been localised in the Mediterranean sea that burst into the Black sea after the Ice age when the entire ice melted and flooded the region. This article will not dwell on these issues but will examine the flood in light of scientific theories; and to limited geological and geographical approximations. At this stage we can only start by examining the Bible and then scrutinising the evidence with the scientific knowledge at hand.

Accordingly, God gave a clear reason why he brought the flood:

“And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on earth: and it grieved him at his heart.” Genesis 6: 5-6.

So, the precedence for self-destruction has been set, not by God, but by man. While people question the severity of this action, it is of import that we recognise the power of choice. While man has the choice to go about his business, God, also, has the choice to act as to counter or enhance these various choices in line with the kind of choices made. Since, according to God’s own words, man was created in his own image, it follows that the latter statement holds; and that if wickedness was so great that all man could think of was to self-destruct as a matter of choice, then there was no reason for him to continue in his doomed existence. On the other hand, there was a way to self perpetuate in order that God does not destroy the work of his own hands forever as stated in the Bible:

“Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord” Genesis 6:8.

Accordingly, Noah and his family were saved from the flood that was to come by building the ark as prescribed by God. He got into the ark before the rains and the flood came. Now, is there any evidence in the present earth to substantiate the flood? According to Genesis the rain fell for 40 days and forty nights. The flood covered the entire world including the Highest Mountains. Now, Mount Everest is about 9000 m high. The diameter of the earth is about 12,000 km.

Mathematical calculations, assuming the water and the earth formed a liquid-solid concentric circle of different densities, will reveal that the volume of water released was 3.6 trillion trillion cubic metres. In addition, the total volume of water on earth and known man is about 1.26 trillion trillion cubic metres. Whether this includes water stored in plants and the ice in Antarctica is unclear. Furthermore, we we must caution that the heights of mountains have changed over the millennia; and consequently our calculations only indicate the present geological features of the earth. Consequently, the writer does not expect the figures to be exact. However, one may see that the amount of water of the said flood compares reasonably well with what is known to be the total amount of water existing on earth today. The Bible went further to state that all the water didn't come from the earth; some came from Heaven but this is dependent upon what one may reasonably agree as to what constitutes heaven.

Did the water come from the spiritual Heaven or from the Heavens in space that constitutes the stars and other heavenly bodies? On the other hand, if we assume that the water came from Space, then the biblical account is vindicated today because Scientists are now finding water in space and the moon etc. Others posit that asteroids brought water to earth at one point. How plausible this theory stands is open to question. The whole point is that the Bible indicated that the water came from below the earth and from Heaven; and that the total amount of water on earth today tallies with the entire water in the flood. Yet again, mountains like Mount Cameroon and the Everest are heavily contoured and rugged. Rugged contours on landscapes are due to either inundation by a flood of a cataclysmic magnitude or due to a strong wind likened to a hurricane over a short period.

How come the Poles – North and South- are ice-bound? Alaska, for instance, is a very cold area? That ice exists there shows that there was a vast amount of water that froze after the event due to the cold nature of these areas which are below freezing temperatures at most times of the year. Did this event with such large amounts of water cause climate change? Possible or possibly not, as this is difficult to know.

Is there any scientific evidence to substantiate where the flood water went and how?

Living in the 21st Century (2): The Writer's Soliloquy

Louis Egbe Mbua

Any person has the right to pick up his pen to write,

But a fool writes without knowing why he writes;

And the skilled tells the audience why he writes.

A wise writer selects his words carefully;

But a fool is bombastic, loud and vulgar.

A fool always writes for himself;

But the wise writes for the audience.

While a fool thumps his chest as he writes;

A talented one masks his skills;

While pretending he knows not what he does.

A fool claims to know when he actually knows not;

But the wise actually knows but pretends to know not.

A fool does not detach himself from his writing;

But the wise writes with no attachment to his writing.

A wise man respects his audience;

But the unabashed fool insults his audience.


Good ideas are borne from the heart;

Not from the head! Do not write from your head!

Write from the heart;

‘Cause resides there the Soul.

Falsehood corrupts the heart;

But truth cleanses the Soul.


It is important that a man broadens his mind;

In order that he is not misled by the unidirectional blind;

Into a bottomless pit: of insouciance and pestilence.

Eritrea, Somalia, Cameroon, the UK are all about human beings;

So to believe that their actions and impacts do not influence;

The world is like saying that there can be people without women.

A man must understand the fundamental behaviour of humans

In the entire universe: to discuss issues pertaining to humans

In his own geographical confinement;

Failing this is chasing after the wind.

.

A Journey to Yaounde (2): A Tour of the City

Yaounde, Cameroon (from flickr)

Louis Egbe Mbua

The problem was to navigate through the windingly dangerous Douala-Yaoundé Highway as was observed by the manoeuvres of the driver. We arrived at Edea at about an hour’s time after leaving the Douala—and thank goodness without any incident. The African forest stood majestically in our view even just after Douala City was left behind. The share greenery that contoured the equatorial scenery was breath taking: hardwoods, shrubs and possibly other important medicinal plants could all be seen and observed as we turned and swerved.

What struck me most was the narrowness of the road. Why is this road so narrow? I tasked my conscience. At least the roads through Likomba are like Boulevards: broad to the equivalent of three cars. Is the present road up to international standards then? When we arrived at Edea, the driver stopped the vehicle for refreshments. As soon as the bus driver gently applied the brake, a great number of Cameroonians jumped into the bus. What are they looking for? I thought. It was only minutes before I realised their seeming predicament.

There were young people from the aged between 7 and 55 bringing all kinds of foods into the bus: Matumba! Matumba! They shouted. This was extremely surprising as we had just passed the Aluminium smelting plant, Allucam, located at Edea; and where enormous hydroelectric power is harnessed from the mighty Sanaga River. Why then is it that these inhabitants have no jobs, apparently, but sell food stuff along the roads. Are these profitable businesses as to provide a man with a decent living or do they subsidise this occupation with other professional undertakings? I continued to wonder along the journey.

This company, Allucam and the hydroelectric Dam, have been operational in Cameroon for as long as one could remember. What then are the knock on effects of the local population and the infrastructure in the enduring years? As far as I could see on the peripheries of the main road, there were no visible sign of infrastructure. The most significant sign of discernible land mark was the classical German Bridge that spanned the River Sanaga. On its side, appears to be another Bridge of little aesthetic merit --- probably built after independence of the Republic of Cameroon in 1960. Thus is this lack of human advancement and infrastructural presence may be due to lack of investment in genuine job-creation and by extension, in people. What was done about 30 years ago has never been altered. In any case the driver continued in his winding journey through the thick equatorial forests of Cameroon. Having fallen asleep I was awakened by another stop in Bimnyobel, an hour’s drive from Yaoundé with the same routine of food selling.

Arriving safely in Yaoundé was such a relief. The characteristic red earth was visible everywhere. But what struck me was that Yaoundé had hardly changed in three decades. One could recognise all the old buildings on the road side. We navigated until we reached the Park in heartland Yaoundé. Having taken a rest, I decided to take a tour round the City. Where is Score, Le Supermarche? I asked the taxi driver. Oh! It is no longer situated in its position. You can see that it has been replaced by a casino. We drove passed Intelcam, the Cameroon’s equivalence of British Telecommunication. The same building stood there; the only improvement was that a 7-8 storey building had been erected behind the old 4-5 storey building. Not much change then? I said. The taxi driver laughed; and said No. I asked no further questions. On the other hand, I observed the City was cleaner and much more organised than hitherto.

We went passed through Cite Verte, a modern estate of block of flats built by the Cameroon government about 35 years ago to house the population of Yaoundé at subsidised rents. This was a shocker as the very modern and well kept flats have deteriorated so much so that it was difficult to recognise these buildings. Who are these people staying here? Well, it appears most people living here are Nordiste, was the taxi man’s unflinching response. Why is that? Well, the government has a policy of some kind of ownership of the occupant having stayed in any of the flats for a certain amount of years, was the answer. Most that were offered the flats were from North Cameroon since it was means tested; and they qualified, he continued. That is a reasonable policy but I have a problem, I said. The people may own the flat but it is the government’s responsibility to maintain the entire estate block by block as the must still holds the ground leasehold as landlords. The taxi man merely shrugged.

It was time for lunch after the extensive tour. Where can one buy lunch here? There is a place near Ngoa-Kelle; near Carrefour Emia, I was informed. Good, I thought. This will provide me with an opportunity of seeing my old hide outs near the University of Yaoundé. We took another taxi and arrived at our destination after passing by Pharmacie de Carrefour still located in the same spot. What, exactly, is the name of this place, I demanded of my niece. It is called Weya: it is owned by an Anglophone from Bamenda. All civil servants in the Ministries come here to eat their lunch. It is very popular; and the food is very good, she replied. I acquiesced at this acute assessment of a connoisseur and fashionista graduate de La Universite de Yaoundé.

On entering the main path to the restaurant we met two immaculately dressed (Cameroonians like nice clothes; and uniforms) who were almost certainly student officers – who politely extended their Bonjours, and which we returned with genuine polity. When we got into the eatery, it was about 2.00 pm; and the entire joint was jam-packed with suited men and dressed women having their exquisite dishes of their choice. A waiter ushered us onto a convenient seat. Now: the moment of truth.

Having settled down in the well organised and neat seat layout, I asked the lone waitress: “Can we have the menu, please?” The waitress looked astonished. Her face changed from delightful to what may be described as scornful. I wondered whether I had breached a basic etiquette. As I was about to repeat myself, my niece whispered, “There are no menus here, for this is not London; just announce your choice of food and it will be delivered to you in precinct platter.” I really was not convinced by this proposed arrangement but I remembered that I was in Africa, so I changed my question: “What exactly do you have then”, I demanded the waitress. She never bothered to respond.

As one was famished, I looked around to observe what the taste of the diners where. My niece ordered her own lunch. I now realise that if I do not act swiftly, I will not have any food. So, having made a mental note on this epicurean experiment I decided to try again – but this time from the waiter: “Can I have eru?” Well, there is none left, was his reply. Fine: please, give me equacoco bible. The diners next to me all turned and looked at me with amusing amazement possibly feeling that I must have arrived but that same day -- they were right . My niece, not knowing what to make of this decided to intervene to help me out me with a verbal menu: Achu, rice and stew, kati kati, ripe plantain and roast fish, fried chicken. I ordered Achu and Chicken. Before long, we were politely joined by two other Cameroonians – one Francophone and an Anglophone. Having had a good conversation about life in Cameroon, shared a few bottles of Cameroon beer and excellent African lunch, we returned to our various sojourns where I contemplated my perilously frightening return journey through the Yaoundé-Douala Highway. Will I arrive intact? I murmured to myself.